This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
