During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize