im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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