Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
