we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
