I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize