I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
