I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
