she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
