dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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