All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
