I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
