Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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