I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
