when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You're breaking my sexual little heart
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
