____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Its about making memories worth repressing
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
