I'm laying in your front yard are you home
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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