I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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