no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This baby is an asshole
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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