Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
