Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize