some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
