a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
