The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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