When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
