Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
