News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
