I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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