"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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