Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
