Porn is love you can see.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
