Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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