forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
