I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
