Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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