I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
