There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
