I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
