i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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