last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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