Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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