i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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