I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
