Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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