Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
