Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
