the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
