This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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