Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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