I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
