if you like me you must not know who I am
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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