it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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