the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
