just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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