this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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