New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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