In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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