Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
