just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
