You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
