now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
