This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize