I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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