Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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